Let Me Love and Not Be Respected, by Watchman Nee (1 of 2)

Let Me Love and Not Be Respected, Watchman Nee
Songs and Hymns of Life #424

This a hymn like no other. In its form, it is a poem that is more of a reflection than a prayer. Apparently, it was not written to be sung. Being kept private for decades, it is a complete and genuine offering to the Lord alone. Please read and sing the poem below.

Let me love and not be respected;
   Let me serve and not be rewarded;
      Let me labor and not be remembered;
         Let me suffer and not be regarded.
     ’Tis the pouring, not the drinking;
         ’Tis the breaking, not the keeping—
              A life suff’ring to seek others’ blessing,
                  A life loving and true comfort giving.
             Not expecting pity and concern,
                 Not accepting solace and applause;
                    Even lonely, even forgotten;
                Even wordless, even forsaken.
             Tears and blood my price for the righteous crown shall be; 
          Losing all, my cost for a faithful pilgrim’s life.

            ’Twas the life, O Lord, that You chose to live
            In those days when on earth You walked,
            Gladly suff’ring all injuries and loss
            So that all might draw near and repose.

               I cannot see how much farther I shall go;
            Still I press on, knowing there is no return.
         Let me follow Your pattern, so perfect and true,
     Bearing ingratitudes without complaint.
              In this time of trial, O my Lord, I pray
         That You would wipe my hidden tears away;
                     Let me learn, O Lord, You are my reward;
                     Let me be others’ blessing all my days.

What is described in the opening lines is a life that is hard to take willingly. Who would want to love without being respected? Who would want to suffer without any regard from others? Why would one live this way?

Again in the next stanza, why go through the long process of making wine just to pour it out? Why break something precious instead of keeping it? A window is cracked for us in these next lines — ‘suffering in order to seek and be others’ blessing.’ 

But then the next descriptions are perhaps too much — no pity nor concern, no solace nor praise? Even to the extent of being perpetually lonely, forgotten and forsaken? Why would this be a resolve or a prayer?

‘Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him (John 13:16).’

Light begins to peer in through the crux of this hymn — ‘Twas the life, O Lord, that you chose to live, In those days when on earth you walked.’ Jesus lived this life. In fact, He chose it. He came down from His glory to seek our blessing. But His path was lonely, disregarded, unrewarded, full of love yet disrespected, full of labor yet how many really followed Him? His motives were questioned, His compassions undermined, and His purpose misunderstood. His many miracles and teachings convinced few to trust Him. His was a life outpoured and broken with no apparent success. He ‘gladly suffered all injuries and loss so that all might draw near and repose.’ 

– – – 

In considering the background of this hymn, two factors come together. The inspiration for this poem came as Nee was translating some writings of Francis of Assisi, possibly even his well-known Peace Prayer, which has a similar view of a servant’s life. And according to Christ in Hymnology (1), this hymn was written about a year after Watchman Nee recovered from a life-threatening and lengthy bout of tuberculosis. In translating these poems, Nee may have reflected back on his previous years of service and illness. 

In those years, when his end seemed imminent, he had used almost all his strength to write his first and only book, The Spiritual Man. He used to think that ‘one should not write books until he was old.’ But when he considered that he might be leaving this earth, he felt he ‘should begin writing’ (2). He poured out all he felt the Lord had taught him, though it was an excruciating labor under the pain and fever of his sickness. After each time of writing, he would say to himself, ‘This is my last testimony to the church.’ (3)

Not too long after completing his book, he bumped into an old professor in his home town. After a few quick questions, this respected teacher exclaimed, ‘What is this? We thought a lot of you at high school and high hopes that you would achieve something great. Do you mean to say that you are still like this?’ As one biography explained, ‘For it was true: his health was broken, his prospects gone; what had he to show?’ (4)

But he had recovered. God had fully healed him. Had God given him a longer lease on life to bear the fruit that would justify all that he had forsaken? We do not know specifically what his mindset was at this time, but this sort of thought would be natural. Perhaps a crossroads in his spiritual life lay before him. Should he trust this miracle as a sign to go forward confidently in the Lord’s blessing unto successful work? That is one potential fork in the road, but his response was different.

Nee’s hymn is based on our Lord’s path. Which fork did He choose? He had the most potential, the most right to success and honor. He had the most talent with which to serve His Father. Jesus left “the most” to suffer the most. He knew the cross was the Father’s will. Solace and reward were not to be found in that life, and what more can a servant ask for? ‘For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). A servant needs no return. 

This then was the fork Nee chose. If the next 27 years of his life were to be like the first 27, his only request was to be one with His master and to learn to have His presence as his reward. Maybe no more books would be written and maybe no more would be accomplished for the world to see. He would follow the narrow path. The Lord can be the one to wipe the hidden tears away. 

May we recognize in this hymn the Lord’s path for ourselves. The tears may be shed for many reasons, but the life is lived for others. Let us have a fellowship in His sufferings that we may be even a part of a blessing to His children. 

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1. Chen, Christian, and William Mallon. Christ In Hymnology. (New York: Living Word Publications Inc., 2017) 497
2. Lee, Witness. Watchman Nee: A Seer of the Divine Revelation in the Present Age. (Anaheim: Living Stream Ministry, 1991) 91
3. Ibid.
4. Kinnear, Angus I. Against the Tide: The Story of Watchman Nee (Fort Washington: Christian Literature Crusade, 1973) 79